inside the house, gripping me apart and choking the life out of me. Your memory brought me nothing but pain, yet I could not force myself to forget you. The invisible you that chewed at my heart and that gnawed at my bones. There was nothing in the world to end my love for you.

Until a single droplet of rain seeped through the broken window next to me and touched my skin.

Empowered by something like anger or sadness, I pulled away from my lamentations and, without hesitation, stepped out into the stillness and the emptiness of the night. I wanted to feel the raindrops crashing hopelessly unto my skin. I wanted to savor the wind—slapping vigorously at my tear-spattered face. I swallowed the stinging air of the night, and it felt so cold against the dryness of my mouth and my lungs. Deep inside the caverns of my consciousness, I wished half-heartedly for those lightning bolts to strike me down. Somewhere within the saddest region of my heart, I prayed for those wildly-swaying trees to fall down on me. I was so desperate for a cure and an answer, and the timing of the storm was nothing but perfect.

This is the only way. I told myself.

So that I could be nearer to you. So that I could once more relive the days that we had together. So that I could somehow lessen the pain inside my soul. So that I could somehow pretend that you were still here with me, that you have not left me alone, that you have kept your promise to me.

Forever and ever and ever and ever.

Two weeks and two days have gone since that tragic day—the day that you broke your promise. Still, the scenes of you playing endlessly inside my head—fresh and vivid—and not missing a single detail. The storm outside casts nightmarish shadows all around, creating the effect of beasts crawling from under the sewers. The sinister sound of raindrops pounding on metal roofs and of branches and leaves of trees scratching one another could have gotten into anyone’s head and should have filled anyone’s thought, but the sound never reached my ears. All I could ever hear was your voice ringing loudly in the background, fumbling over and over again the promise that was ended by an accident.

Friends forever and ever and ever and ever.

Not quite forever.

I gave you everything. I pulled my heart out and dragged the sun down to show you that it was only your name engraved on them. I colored the stars and painted the horizon to prove you that I love you so much, that every time that I looked up, it was only you that I remembered. I gave up things and gave you my time, wrote you poems and composed you songs to attest you of my undying devotion to fulfill our promise to each other. I can still remember how awkward we sounded when we promised that we would wait for us to grow up, for we were still very young back then. We had so many plans, and we had so many promises. But, I guess none of them was worth it. You still had to leave me alone.

It was a rainy July. Students would always bring a raincoat or an umbrella, for there were always storms or heavy rains. I can still remember how I looked like under the rain—no rain coat, no umbrella, none whatsoever. I was soaking wet and still, I was nowhere home. I tried to seek refuge under a waiting shed, hoping that sooner or later, the rain would stop somehow. But, an hour later, I realized that it was pouring heavier and heavier, and soon, it would be late and dark. Maybe it was meant. Maybe it was destined. Maybe the heavy rain that day was made just for the two of us to find each other.

Another hour later, I felt that my wait was just in vain, was just a waste of time. But looking back, I realized how perfect that hour was. Had I not waited there, had I not wasted time there, I would have not met you. With your sweet smile and perfect set of teeth, you offered me a spot under your umbrella. I was reluctant at first, for you were a girl I did not know, but you insisted. That was how our story and our friendship began. For four years, we watered it with much hopes and promises and nourished it with great love and admiration.

Four years was not quite forever for me.

My mind snapped back to reality, and I found myself under a storm on a cold July. The only difference was that I was all alone. I tried to stop the tears that were threatening to flow out from my eyes. That was the only way. I told myself. That was the best day of our friendship. That was the beginning of our love story. And, I was very desperate to relive it again. That was the only way. I retold myself. Somehow, somewhere, I knew that you were watching over me. I knew that you were not far—maybe under the tree where we used to play together or maybe on the lawn where we used to spend most of our memorable days. That was the only way so that I could move on once and for all, so that I could lessen the pain inside my heart, so that I could pretend that you never leave me and that you were still there reliving our love story, and so that I could show you that I was not angry because you left me without saying goodbye, and that still, no matter what, we would still keep our promise.

Friends forever and ever and ever and ever... in heaven.