I remember the night when sentimental music slowly curled out of the radio, filling my room with a very languid feeling. I remember the single and unsurprising beep on my cellular phone that echoed throughout the rest of the night. I remember picking my phone and reading that message. It was in the dead of the night, and all of the angels in heaven were already sleeping.
I was stunned. I thought that it was just a cruel joke. My bosom friend, who would not fool around with such a sensitive matter, received it and forwarded it to me. And yet, my mind refused to believe her. I thought, at the very least, that you were fine, very fine. I thought of visiting you the next day, but the sound of silence in the middle of the night slowly pulled me away from reality. The sentimental music that crept out of the radio was losing its definition and sensation. And, I seemed to forget the thin borderline of sanity and delusion.
My delusion was buried in the caverns of a dream—temporarily.
The next morning, I remembered the message forwarded to me. I called my best friend via our phone, informing her that I wanted to visit you. In her teary and troubled voice, she readily agreed, and she told me that she would accompany me. I was hoping that I would still be able to grasp your warm hands and to see the youthful luster of your eyes and the vivid curve of your small lips.
When I met my best friend, she seemed dazed and shaken. We rushed to visit you. I wished that I was just dreaming when I saw you. I walked slowly toward where you lay. I blinked many times to make it sure that it was not you whom I was staring at that moment. I was dumbfounded, not by your deep piercing gaze, but by the absence of your emphatic eyes. My heart sank as my sober mind went completely blank. And, little by little, my lonely tears littered the marbled floor. I swallowed the pain. I held back everything—the pain and the misery.
As I went home, my heart was shattered and was broken into a thousand pieces. I entered my blue-colored room, and I collapsed my heavy body onto my rose-colored bed. And, the dream temporarily drifted away, for, again, I traveled into another world.
Suddenly, I woke up. I was alone and I was trembling. I was shivering in the middle of the night. In my solitude, I remembered again the forwarded message. I remembered again the dreary dream that I could never forget no matter how hard I try.
I remembered you in your jovial mood and robust physique entering our cluttered classroom. I remembered your lectures about love, faith, and charity—things that truly matter in life—things that were neglected and sacrificed in the name of fame and money.
You did not want us to become someone else. Instead, you brought out within us who we really are, and through that, we realized how blessed and how beautiful we are. You have become an important personality in our young lives.
In the darkness of the night, I was recounting our happy and memorable moments, when all of a sudden, the wind slapped my face, and with it, came a harsh reality.
You were gone forever.
Gradually, the moon started to slip out from dark clouds. I saw the sky dance in a nonchalant blue ocean challenged by the fiery morning sun. The sun continued to gain momentum and to creep out from the folds of the other night, its brightness covering the eagerness of the stars and defeating the serenity of the evening moon. I knew that people in this part of the universe are rising from their deep slumber to welcome a new day, like the sun to reign another day. But, you, in your cold resting place, will never live your life again. You will sleep soundly until the end, a sleep, that I finally understand, is now long overdue to save you from the pain that you have endured so much.
However, you have not lost into oblivion. Instead, you have given unselfishly yourself to God. Willingly, you have surrendered yourself to your Creator, to all the plans that He has for you. And, I know very well, that wherever you are right now, you are wearing your very sweet smile to all of us.
Paalam at maraming, maraming salamat po, Gng Erlinda De Guzman-Antaran.
